Hello, hi.
Vince Caramel himself here.
Welcome to my website www.vincecaramel.com.
Now and then I'll share something with you.
Reach out to a brother:
vincecaramel@gmail.com
If you'd like to.
Embedded Files
One of my favourite photos of two of my favourite locals.
"Well done, slow-witted Honda bastard."
- Someone I know all too well
Spoke to a man this morning. A man I don't often speak to. Not God, the other one, ███████ ████████.
███████, who once (possibly weakening the redacted name shtick here) famously said "I just can't work █████ out".
I'm █████. I redacted my own name too. Not sure why. You know who I am. I'm the founding father. I'm the dot com for crying out loud(!).
If I'm being honest, and I am, always. I continued my day afterwards.
What I've gone and done since, however - against my better judgement - is 'process things' and realise that the little uppy uppy good feeling it gave me was, and is, I think, because I felt slightly more understood. Slightly more ██████████ by someone I felt previously didn't ██████████ at all.
Pteridomania
What does that mean?
It means the Victorians went absolutely fucking batshit for ferns.
So much so they ended up on your auntie Joan's double C's.
Custard creams.
Something to tell someone, perhaps.
I used to have a thing for Fearne Cotton. I liked her nostrils.
A Partridge (fan) amongst the pigeons.
The photo of my colleague and believe it or not, superior (at work, nowhere else - certainly not the squash court, isn't that right Swampo?) is a very good photo, and more than worthy of my good enough website.
We both drink our satisfying drinks, and we both enjoy nature's jester, Alan Gordon Partridge.
There's a piece of whirlwind writing by yours truly on here that Swampo tried to recall to me thinking that it was genuinely something AP had blurted out. More people should do that sort of thing.
I've never called Swampo Swampo before.
#Swampo
It is complete. Good game. Very good game.
Me and my cousin bonded over this. I hope to now never speak to her eeever agaaain.
As I took this photo, I was being watched by a man wearing a top in a colour that can only be described as 'Nice n Spicy Nik Naks orange', and by his dog, who in all honesty wasn't wearing much at all. I did not feel entirely comfortable.
Sound of the autumnal quarter.
Pour a glass of red, set fire to your local tea lights, and have a little listen to the rest of the albs.
There are some very nice moments. :)
I will be breathing the same air as my beautiful boy soon enough.
Ever shipped a little grey loved one off to Eastern Europe knowing you'll no longer see each other day after day? It's not exactly yippee fun times.
I've booked flights to go see him and another one of my best friends.
Who's she, the cat's mother? Yes.
#Ad
The past few days.
Spotted around 49 pigeons.
Then a whole host of flies.
Went to a pub cinema thingy.
I spent the 100 minute runtime of 'Birth' engaging what is left of my core. The seating was almost as shallow as me.
Found myself in London.
Lucky for me, Ty Segall was there too. I'd been meaning to see him(!).
My ears love Ty. It was nice for my eyes and world-class microbiome to get in on the action too.
I had a little chitchat with a fellow audience member during the gig. Later she was stood in front of me at the merch stand and purchased the last 'I liked his early stuff' t-shirt in my size.
Rrreally wanted that.
I should've killed her when I had the chance.
The building opposite the venue was a production company called 'Chrome'. Ty released his seventeenth album a few weeks ago. IF you were to peek at the album title, you'll see a capital C followed by hrome (it's also called 'Chrome'). I'm not saying this whole thing was a setup by Big Chrome. Someone else might be though, you'll have to Google it.
I'm saying, that whilst traversing the Underground I encountered Cooper the dog. Sure, we'd just met, but he still found himself on the right end of some substantial strokes and scratches (deserving). Then his owner broke the news to me that Coopsy has a cat sister named Bolognese. 💚🤍❤️
It just made sense.
I wish them both all the luck in the world.
Cooper car, Cooper name, Cooper Cooper...
I have kept one big plate and two side plates in my dishwasher for the past few weeks. I don't have space to store them with the other big plates or the other side plates.
I haven't been using them. I forget they're there. They're always just there.
Being clean, getting cleaned, and being clean again. The cycle of life.
It's actually been months, but I'm holding that back from you.
A few things I've seen recently.
What have you seen? How have you been?
I had an okay day today.
Thinking of living a bananaless life.
For a little while.
I'm a sucker for lots of things
One of them is M&S packaging
I am FIRMLY back in the No More Jockeys saddle.
The chemistry between these lovely boys really is a sight to see. I haven't got too much else to say on the matter. They bring me endless joy and you're just going to have to come to terms with that.
"How long does wine, umm" 🤍
On my lunch break I (did the following)
Had a call with one of the fallen (a friend/ex)
Ate and drank a bowl of mushroom soup (VERY mushroomy)
Sipped a cuppa (right handed)
Slouched on the sofa but with my feet tucked in if that makes any sense at all (it does)
Listened to No More Jockeys, Set 4, Game 2 (ears used)
Completed levels 208-215 of the mobile puzzle game Humbug 2 (fulfilling)
Took a paracetamol (slight headache)
DENTIST
That's where I was this morning.
Let's just say, stuff happened.
Stuff culminating in brother tooth (the dentist) asking me to glance at an X-ray.
I shimmied over to his screen with every intention of following orders. OMG I llloooooove orders!!! 😇
When I got there something else grabbed my attention. My eyes darted to the top left of the screen (yet stayed in my skull). Just next to my name, was a thing I didn't know was a thing.
I had a profile picture on my record.
????????????????!, I more than likely thought to myself.
Here it is, on the left.
I had set it up on Gravatar yonks ago. Meaning the picture haunts my email pretty much everywhere it goes.
Must've been there for a good 5 years or more to tell the tooth.
A little bit embarrassing, a lot more funny though. Laughed to myself walking home. Bye.
The splashback cats.
They watch, well, all butt one, as I go about my culinary duties. Making tea, making ramen, dousing shit in soy sauce.
Each one was drawn by a different soul with a different story to tell, I think.
(It's highly unlikely any of them have the same story to tell, so I'll stick with that story, if that's okay with you.)
Ramen steam has caused one of the letters to slip down the wipe clean surface it was written on. Perhaps over time my memory of the souls that drew the cats will slip down the wipe clean surface of my brain too.
Nah.
Matthew Moore Matthewmoore is an interesting approach to naming a human-being.
My endless anxiety tee is slowly deteriorating at the hands of my oldest of rivals, the washing machine.
It's making me a little bit anxious.
The irony isn't lost on me.
The irony isn't even used. I do that thing where you 'shake whip' the creases out. Occasionally I'll lay the clothing on a flat surface and smoosh out any remaining wrinkles with a hand or two (my own).
Washing machine.
I like the simplicity of naming something what it does rather than not doing that.
You know where you stand with 'washing machine'. It's open and honest from the get-go.
When you first hear 'coat of arms' or 'titmouse' you're not exactly over the moon with the end results.
I've had a look into what the term for this naming convention is, and it's not quite as simple as any of us had hoped. Here are some words from the internet that are pretty much talking about what I'm talking about.
Semantic transparency is the degree to which the meaning of a compound word or an idiom can be inferred from its parts (or morphemes).
The article then drones on for a bit. Sure, it's interesting, but it's also boiled down further in the piece with help from your friend and mine, Wolfgang Dressler.
Here's the #DresslerBoilDown
[Wolfgang] Dressler distinguishes four fundamental degrees of morphosemantic transparency of compounds:
1. transparency of both members of the compound, e.g., bum-hole;
2. transparency of the head member, opacity of the non-head member, e.g., straw-berry;
3. transparency of the non-head member, opacity of the head member, e.g., jail-bird;
4. opacity of both members of the compound: hum-bug.
Wolfgang's name scoring a big fat 'opaque' on the scale is dissapointing to say the least.
wolf-gang
16 points in Scrabble, but that's Scrabble.
My non-bio laundry liquid has a jasmine and green tea scent and is made with botanical essential oils.
Thought I'd finish on a high. *Rather than a spin cycle
YEAH, I'D SAY IT'S BASICALLY EMMA STONE
If you were to send an email to vincecaramel@gmail.com attaching a photo of an animal of your choice, and using the subject line 'Anemail'
I'd more than likely reply to your email with an email of my own telling you who, or what, your animal looks like
Walk into your place of work playing this and feel ever so slightly better about yourself for a split second.
Not sure if you noticed, but I took a whole photo of a hedgehog.
They were probably a little startled when I stopped them mid dum-de-dum, but I'm sure when news gets back that they're featured on vincecaramel.com they'll be talk of the town. More than makes up for it.
(2026 Vince will not misgender a hedgehog, sorry if that's why you're here, you sick freak.)
There are approximately 5,000-7,000 spines on an average adult hedgehog. That's 5,000-7,000 more than meee.
Sometimes the jokes write themselves don't they?
Not this time.
This time it was me.
What do you call a hog that's in a hedge and is quite frankly hogging all of it (the hedge)?
A hedgehog.
Yup, me again.
I'd appreciate it if, moving forward, you could keep it real.
Vince x
Yesterday I won the lottery, in case that changes how you feel about me.
+10 smackeroos
Today I visited my nan’s grave. I watched as my granddad updated her on life's goings-on before gently patting her gravestone and sending his love.
Tomorrow I'll be back at work, so I'd better moisturise my hands and get a bad night's sleep.
Thanks for reading.
Jasooon Desourdough.
*I missed the solar eclipse because I was cooking risotto and thinking about people and thriving and sweating and posting this.
sexy
new
sticker
on
my
work
lappy
that
makes
me
cool as hot fuck
I am in love with Episode 7 of Nirvanna The Band The Show and I want to big time smooch it.
*This may be an overreaction due to my current mental state, but what if it isn't?
Nothing prepares you for this. I cheered, I shouted, I fist pumped the air, I cried, I stood and cheered.
The only heart-shaped box around here is my television set, am I right guys? (I know I am.)
A little nod to Nirvana the band there. Heard of them? Nevermind, it's dumb.
Episode 7 of Nirvanna The Band The Show is the best thing I've seen since the pretty lady near the peanut butter in Morrisons the other night.
I didn't intend to make this about a girl (and I ain't dissin' on you, honey - which come to think of it was just next-door to the peanut butter) but I think it even surpasses her ...and the sliced bread on aisle 6.
I saw the movie Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie and thought it was double good, so, naturally, I decided to give the show Nirvanna The Band The Show a whirl.
Me thinks it might be one of those(!).
You know the sort. There's something in the way they make you feel the feelings that you feel that you feel you'll find yourself recommending them to others for years to come. As you are here right now, I might as well recommend it to you. That is what I've been sneaking around doing for the past 245 words.
Watch Nirvanna The Band The Show because I like it.
And because it's clever and it's funny and it's moving and it's black and white sometimes.
*This is a little clip from Episode 5, not 7, all apologies.
International Cat Day. Have a good one x
|Walls|
The following is inspired by really true office-based events
Vince Caramel: What's on your walls Mike?
Mike Maramel: All sorts
Vince Caramel: ‼️
Vince Caramel: 😼
Vince Caramel: 😼
Vince Caramel: Wine Gums too?
Vince Caramel: 😼
Everyone in the office: 🤭🤭😽🤭💦📈🤝
Boss of workplace: Vince is a cunting superstar! Raise that raise he is well overdue for yet he has remained a true class act, humble, and least importantly of all, a feminist
...I'm not sure if there's much left of Mike
I had destroyed the man
He was done
Doned
Dided
Dode
Void his heart and also his brain
Never going to recover from this one is our Mike!
Nice knowing ya son
Ta-ra!
*Mike's a good man. Unfortunately, bad things can happen to good men. Jesus (crucifixion), Richard Hammond (car crash x2), Dick Van Dyke (immortality) and much much more.
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